findingtimetowrite

Thinking, writing, thinking about writing…

Passive Fairytale

DisneylandShe was born.

Left home to find herself

And in the process

Found him.

 

He showered her with love

Passion

Compassion

Money

Energy

Dreams

Schemes

Later…

Words

Pain

Thwarted ambitions.

 

No gain.

Shame fell her way.

Fell her away.

Drained her sap.

Pushed her back

And down and down,

All but drown,

In frozen lake

Of sneering snake.

 

Hiding

Biding

No more time

And blind chime.

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18 thoughts on “Passive Fairytale

  1. Hmmm, methinks on occasion madam does protest too much… good words although I wonder about the metre you’ve chosen. Unless I’m being a complete muppet you’re expressing heavy earthiness with much HOME DOWN and FALL, BIDING. HIDING and the metre is very light and incidental. The only way a poem can beat to the breath of a song is through metre. If every beat is up, it will disappear . . .

    RR

  2. Thank you for your comment. You have no idea how helpful it is to hear something more than just a ‘like’! Well, the metre dissonance is deliberate, the contrast between fairytale expectations and the dreariness of everyday life. And yes, I was getting a bit worried too about always having the same (fictional) subject matter (which is why I have not posted many of my other poems that are even more virulent). It’s the initial breaking free phase, I think (plus I wasn’t expecting anyone to read my posts!) You will have noticed I have been trying to diversity a bit lately, with some stories and writing about other authors.

  3. Hello dear, thank you so much for your visit back in my blog and have left me a message… I highly appreciate this. I enjoy reading your Haiku poems and I look forward for you to join me in “For the Love of Haiku” on the 17th of March. We will be having this every 3rd Saturday of the month.. . see you around dear and talk to you soon…Have a great day! :)

  4. ugh…it’s sad when fairytales end like this… i wish she had found herself instead of him… a fairytale gone bad came to my mind while reading… glad you joined…

  5. How sad… hope she walks away from his schemes and rises again rejuvenated.
    Well-crafted.

  6. Precisely why I don’t put any stock in fairy tales! You definitely get the point across in a way that is disonant, it works.

  7. A fairytale without a prince itn shining armour … really evil turn.. but really well told.

  8. Sad story of love and loss and losing oneself in the meantime!

  9. Ah, the worst loss is loss of self. This does not seem to me to be a case of ‘real love.’

  10. This is quite alarming and painful. But i love the way it is written and it is powerfully conveyed. Great writing.

  11. this is probably a more real fairy tale…or a fable…with a moral…not to fall for the same traps….it makes me think about what is not told in this story and that is what happened over time to change this to something nothing like what she hoped…maybe never really knowing herself…

  12. There is a stark contrast to the fairy tale beginning and the sad reality of dealing with snakes & lies ~ Admiring the terse & snappy lines ~

  13. You know, I don’t necessarily have a problem with the meter, it drives, and the composition drives. I’m not sure I understand “blind chime,” it sort of sounds like “one hand clapping.” “All but drown, in a frozen lake of sneering snake,” works for me. In some sense, it is the most ornate phrase in the construct, and stands out nicely. You have “biding no more time” standing in opposition to the expected “biding time.” There are definitely interesting things going on here….

  14. Lovely Marina, you are using the one word approach with strikes a clear and precise image within me. The story you tell works well using this method.I have gone the opposite this time….

  15. I can understand how she would have been after finding him and he leaving…….. What a sad little poem…….

  16. I wish you would submit some of the virulent stuff….otherwise you are writing for an audience rather than yourself. It does not matter whether people think it is true or fictional…they will think it anyway. Sometimes I think I am drowning in a pool of poetic niceness…it is not my world and not my experience!

    • Thank you for your lovely encouragement! This was written much earlier on, when I was a timid beginner… Now I use poetry to explore the unsayable. Besides, you’ll find I’ve got pretty virulent stuff scattered throughout.

  17. Pretty grim tale of the downward spiral from optimism to the end spectrum of hopelessness. I like your meter, how you’ve switched from single words, while there is still some light at the end of the tunnel, to multiple words as she slides deeper. There’s a lot here. Well done. xVivienne. (writing as part of OneVoice Poetry this week)

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