The 2.0 Version I’m Not

I wish my parents had built an upgraded version of me      let’s call it the 2.0 selfish version

Not taught me to think of others, nor walk in their shoes.Broken_egg_orange
I wish they’d told me to hold out for Jimmy Choos
that worth is indeed measured        in status and cents.

I wish they’d taught me to interrupt and shout louder
cover the world’s cacophony
that my views are important         more right than anyone else’s in the room.
I don’t want to listen always nor ponder in impartial waters.

I want to see the world in black and white instead of always turning the coin over
to check the other side.
And why, oh why do I always give second chances, third and fourth?

I wish I did not feel tugs of guilt at each morsel thrown out.
I wish those wide eyes and distended bellies would not haunt my cupboards, nor air miles prevent me
buying sweet fruit I know I’d love.

I wish I’d never been introduced to Patience, Prudence and Humility,
three hags who’ve slaked my appetite to win, murdered my ambition,

till faintest rumours of boasting make me laugh and shiver.

Yet disdain is all fine and good.
No one cares, disdained by me.
Adulated by masses, emboldened by success,
they fail, repeat, never learn, except to repent no more.
While I nurse, bruised and battered, an ego like an unboiled egg,
integrity left orphan in a world where I no longer belong.

8 thoughts on “The 2.0 Version I’m Not”

  1. This is my favourite poem of yours ever, Marina! Just brilliant. This speaks to me so clearly, especially the part about giving second chances, and third and fourth … I wish I didn’t feel things so deeply I can’t even listen to the news or pick up a paper anymore – I’m living in a bubble of my own making. Thanks for sharing this with us, Jo x

    1. Yay – she commented on a poem, without worrying about ‘not being qualified to understand poetry’. That’s what it’s all about, Jo, just letting the poem speak to you – some will, some won’t, just like some people suit us better than others. Thanks so much for your lovely comment. And yes, I wonder sometimes if I should bring up my children in a different way… but can I?

  2. Marina Sofia – Oh, this is such a powerful expression of how vulnerable we can feel just for the reason that we feel things. Lovely!

    1. That’s such a sweet thing to say – and you are right, I suppose deep down I don’t regret it. Too much or too often. I suppose I’m just not sure it’s the happiest way to be for my children…

  3. i’m not sure i would like the 2.0 version as much as i like the 1.o you know… there are certain values that i find less and less in the young people that grow up at the moment and i wonder how the earth will look let’s say in about 50 years from now… maybe at one point they may re-think things..

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