She’s forgotten the hot shiver
of a new hand
stroking her hair
Her skin stretched and soft
like blotting paper
no longer absorbs
the ink bruise of lovebites.
Crooning a broken record of a lovesong
she tangles her hair
for the few seconds
her body convulses
And feels the power she once had given
to the nook of broad shoulders on men.
I’ve been submitting quite a few poems to literary magazines lately, so I’ve been using this blog only to post very rough first drafts or discarded poems or poems which require substantial reworking. Apologies for that! I’m still cheekily linking this up to dVerse Poets Open Link Night, which starts later on today, because I always enjoy going there for a visit. Join me if you can!
Wooo! Rough draft, my left toe. I love this. That second stanza took my breath, and that ending couplet made me say (out loud), “MmmmMMMM!”
Reblogged this on meatdoesntgrowinmygarden and commented:
I am neither a fan of poetry nor a critique. Definitively not capable of writing poetry myself. So from time to time I have to “steal”…
Oh, Marina Sofia, this is really powerful! It’s brilliantly done, and captures so much really effectively. It’s one of those poems that you want to linger over and read again.
Such delicious writing 😀 glad to know you’re submitting to literary magazines. Your work is exceptional.
The second stanza has to be my favourite but the imagery throughout this is spectacular. A really sensual poem. Wonderful.
this poem has such a human feel, with great imagery. i can clearly imagine body and soul and goosebumps. nicely done.
I really love the narrative that’s told in the combination of independence and longing.. the tension and resilience coexisting, Love the write, and the honest human voice in it
I love how your speaker bares herself open to us–her past and present, her all (in that moment). There is power in the way she relate what is now gone, but there is even more in what she has now… in what she gives herself.
Gorgeous. Well worth submitting, Marina Sofia.
A powerful poem with such brilliant imagery. I love this a lot. 🙂
Very sensual. Liked this very much.
I admire the character drawn specially: ink bruise of lovebites. And that ending line says a lot: And feels the power she once had given
to the nook of broad shoulders on men.
Good to see you Marina ~
Hot damn, this is fantastic! I am *drooling* over that opening line: “She’s forgotten the hot shiver” … Wow. Kind of a scary thought, really.
I’ll tell you what, though. Having your hair stroked/played-with is just about the most heavenly thing in the world to me.
Speaking of hair, I love the color of that girl’s hair … the one in the picture. I might have to snag it.
Oh my! Such honest sensuality in this. Giving into but taking back her independence and strength as well. That third stanza – wow. I closed my eyes and could see it, could feel and recognize it. Excellent!
I like this. Just the right amount of words to evoke feeling
Nothing rough about this one! In the beginning I thought you were speaking of aging–maybe because I am/have.
Powerful!
A tinge of the bittersweet… nicely done!
What a powerful piece … how do we take to love again when left alone without it for awhile … ducks to water I say … great “rough” draft …
Both sensual & truthful, the woman POV has emerged sweat-soaked & silken. I liked the line /crooning a broken record of a livelong/. A naive maiden this is not; a primer for men to study.
Sensual yet romantic. Good luck with the submissions. It’s inevitable, given the time cycle of prompt and post, that most of us post half-cooked drafts on our blogs. You current contribution is not one of those!
Rough draft? wow — me thinks an emery board has been used on this! Smooth to me 🙂
Had to think of you again today while reading about Robert Grenier and Hank Lazar. What would this powerful poem look like if turned this handwritten poem into an image with tangled lines (sentences) and sensual curves?