Two Versions of a Poem

And, in the spirit of full disclosure, let me share another poetic experiment with you.Ā  This was a poem I wrote as an answer to the question I posed in the previous post: Who lingers when all done is said?Ā  Version 1 is my first attempt: wordier, spelling out meaning.Ā  Version 2 is trying to take all of the superfluous padding out.Ā  Is there enough left there to convey the meaning?Ā  I’m not sure.Ā  Probably a mix of the two will be my final version.

Version 1

The afterchime

The aftermath

The silence when the noise subsides.

They come to haunt,

Some: happy ghosts,

Some long-faced, gaunt.

They parade, unfold, start pacing.

But some stick fast

Like cobwebs on bushes

After the rain.

Version 2

The afterchimeā€¦

They come to haunt,

Some ghosts.

Stick fast

Like cobwebs on the bushes

After the rain.